What the Hart Wants
by reilert79
Summary: Jennifer has a doctor's appointment and then begins to secretly complete items on her Bucket List.
1. Chapter 1

***Willow Pond***

Jonathan and Jennifer are sleeping. They have about an hour before Jonathan's alarm goes off. Jennifer wakes up with a start, and realizes she's in pain again. She quietly gets out of bed and manages to get to the bathroom to get some medicine. She lies back in bed again and tries to be still, waiting for the meds to work.

She manages to fall back asleep again, and then all too quickly, Jonathan's alarm goes off. He tightens his arm around her, and pulls her close.

"Morning, darling".

"Morning."

He leaned over and kissed her, and then got up to get ready.

She was downstairs making them breakfast when he came down.

They had a nice breakfast, and then he had to go.

"I'll be home around 5 tonight, darling. Love you, have a good day".

"Love you too".

She kissed him a few times, and then he left. She immediately went to the medicine cabinet and took some more medicines.

"Thank god I have an appointment with Susan today", she said aloud as she put the top back on the pills.

A few hours later, she headed out to her appointment.

***Kendall Medical Group***

Jennifer signed in, and waited to be called back.

She was in the exam room only about 10 minutes when Susan came in.

"Jennifer, hi! How are you?"

"Ok, I guess. I have been having these pains, and they wake me up at night, and I am having to take more and more medicines to deal with them. So, I figured I better come figure out what is happening".

"Ok, well, we can take a look and figure it all out".

After a thorough exam, Susan came back in with the test results to talk to Jennifer.

"So, it seems as if you have what appears to be fibroid tumors on your uterus. We can take them off here, only takes about 15 minutes, and we will give you a local so you don't feel it. We will test them to make sure after we get them out, of course. You will be sore tonight though, and probably bleed a little for the next few days, so you are going to be on pelvic rest- no sex, no heavy lifting. This is very common, nothing to worry about".

"Will that make the pain go away?"

"Yes. I can prescribe something for you to take for the next few days to get over this, as well".

"Thank you, I appreciate it".

About 2 hours later, Jennifer was dressed and headed to the pharmacy, before heading home.

***A couple hours later***

Jennifer had basically laid around on the couch with a heating pad after she got home. The pain pills that Susan had given her really helped a lot. She was on the couch with a blanket when Jonathan got home.

"Hi gorgeous". He came over and kissed her.

"Hi darling".

She shifted so that she could snuggle up to him.

"Want a cocktail?"

"No thanks".

He got up and fixed his own drink and then came back and sat with her again.

"Darling, I am not up to cooking tonight. Why don't we order something to be delivered?"

"Sounds fine to me". He had a concerned look on his face.

"Are you feeling alright?"

"I had a doctor's appointment today, and had to have a minor procedure done. Susan put me on pelvic rest for the next three days."

"Three days of pelvic rest? Sounds serious".

"She said it was routine. I should be back to my normal self in a few days".

He grabbed her hand and squeezed it.

"Do you want to go to the cabin? I can take some days off".

"No, I think I just want to stay here. We are the closest to the doctor's office here if something happens".

He nodded.

"Well then we just have the one important decision left".

"What's that?"

"What do you want for dinner?"

She playfully swatted him. "You pick".

They finally decided on Chinese, and she called and placed the order.

He got up and got her some water, and then sat back down with her.

"Here's to a quiet restful relaxing evening".

"I'll drink to that". They clinked glasses and then took a sip.

A few hours later, they went upstairs to bed, and she took another pain pill. She was looking forward to being able to sleep without waking up from stomach pain. It would be the first time in weeks.

***2 days later***

Jennifer was feeling better, and she and Jonathan were both more than ready for the pelvic rest to end.

Jennifer was in the kitchen when Jonathan came down. She had made them bacon and eggs, and sliced fruit.

He came up behind her and pulled her close to him.

"How many more days, darling?"

"1, I think". She leaned back and kissed him.

He wrapped his arms around her waist.

"I miss you".

"I miss you too".

They had a nice breakfast and he gave her several long kisses when he left.

She took another pain pill, and then went to the study to start on an article. Around 10:30, Susan Kendall called.

"Hi Jennifer, can you come in today? I got your test results back and I want to run one more in-depth test".

"Sure, do I need to bring Jonathan with me?"

"I don't think so."

"Ok, I will be right there".

She hung up, and headed to change clothes and then went to Susan's office.

***Kendall Medical***

Jennifer came in and was taken back right away. Susan came and explained everything to her.

"I am going to have the nurse do a blood draw, and then I want to do an ultrasound, and an MRI. They won't take long at all".

She was done in about an hour, and was waiting again for Susan to come in and talk to her.

Susan came in and pulled a chair up next to her.

"I am going to send these test results to the lab, and I am going to put a rush on them, so we will find out tomorrow. However, I wanted to explain to you what I am seeing".

Jennifer swallowed hard.

"I am seeing a shadow around the right side of your uterus. The bloodwork indicated a higher number of white cells than we would like. So, I took your blood and put it through a tumor marker test. The ideal number for this is 0. Yours came back at 12".

"What are you saying?"

"Well, I want to be absolutely sure. But, preliminary results indicate that you might have a cancerous tumor on your uterus. That's why I did the more in depth test, to be sure. And I am sending the results to the lab, so that we can be absolutely certain".

"And if the lab says yes, what then?"

"Well, then we find you an oncologist, and if they confirm what I am seeing and what the lab says, then you and the oncologist will determine a course of treatment".

She nodded.

"This isn't the end of the world. We still don't know anything yet, ok? I am just being extra cautious".

"I appreciate it".

"Do you have any questions?"

"Yes. Does this mean I have to extend my pelvic rest?"

"No. But I am going to extend the pain pills prescription for you, at least until we have more definitive answers".

"Thank you."

Jennifer laughed a nervous laugh.

"Jonathan is going to be so happy".

Susan smiled and wrote out the prescription.

"Promise me you aren't going to worry about this all day and night?"

"I promise."

"Good. Now, I will call you as soon as I hear anything, ok?"

Jennifer nodded.

She and Susan exchanged a hug and then Jennifer left.

She zoned out thinking about things on the way home, and somehow found her way to Willow Pond.

***Willow Pond***

She came in and headed straight for the study.

She was known in the journalism field for copious amounts of research, so of course, she was about to research this. The results she found were not good. She didn't like the statistics that she found on uterine cancer, and she didn't like the treatment options that she found for it. The more she read, the more her head spun. All her life, she had tried to be healthy, take care of herself, eat right, exercise. Apparently, cancer doesn't discriminate and pick the unhealthy people.

She decided she needed to clear her head, so she went and put on her bathing suit and went and got in the hot tub.

Jonathan came in around 5:45, and looked for her all over before finally finding her on the patio. He went and changed and decided to join her.

She had her head leaned back and her eyes closed. She had tried to think this out, to figure out what she wanted to do, if they told her what she didn't want to know. However, she didn't really get anywhere. Instead, she got overwhelmed. She decided to think about it after she found out what she was dealing with.

She opened her eyes when she felt Jonathan slip into the hot tub next to her.

She looked up and kissed him, and then scooted closer to her.

"Hard day?"

"No, just wanted to relax".

She kissed him a few more times.

"What was that for?"

"Because I love you".

He wrapped an arm around her.

"Darling…I sat through 4 of the most boring meetings today…and the whole time, all I could think about was how much longer till I could come home to you. And I was thinking how much I want you to work with me at the office, but how that would be a horrible idea, because I wouldn't be able to get anything done, and we wouldn't be able to focus on anything else".

"Oh?"

"So, I started thinking to myself, trying to figure out why I was having so much trouble focusing today, and I came to one conclusion".

"Oh, what's that?"

She was staring into his gorgeous blue eyes.

"That I love you more than words can say, in amounts that cannot be measured, and there's nothing in the whole world that is going to change that".

He covered his mouth with hers, and gave her several long kisses.

"I love you too, so, so much".

She rested her head on his shoulder, and quickly spritzed her face with water so that he couldn't tell that she had tears running down her face.

They soaked for a little longer, and she scooted behind him to give him a back rub. At least, that's why he thought that she scooted behind him. The real reason was because she knew that if he looked at her, she would crumble and tell him everything.

She couldn't hurt him like that. She couldn't tell him that she was sick, and that their love affair was possibly ending. Most importantly, she didn't want him to see her like a shell of her former self, wasting away to nothing. She wanted him to always remember her like the woman he fell in love with.

Jennifer hadn't really been a praying person, and she still wasn't. But every now and then, when an emergency happened, she would say a silent plea to her mom to help her out.

As she rubbed Jonathan's back, she was pleading over and over on the inside- "Mama, I need you. Please, Jonathan needs me. I need him. Please make this ok".

Jonathan realized that she had grown quiet, so he moved and pulled her in front of him.

"Sorry darling, guess I zoned out".

He gave her a nice long back rub, and several neck kisses, and then just held her.

He could tell that something was bothering her, but that she wasn't ready to talk about it yet.

"Darling, why don't you let me take you out to dinner?"

"No, I don't really feel like it. I made us a lasagna this afternoon. I can pop it in the oven real quick".

He helped her out of the hot tub, and then climbed out and wrapped them both in a towel.

He started kissing her neck.

"One more day, huh?"

"Yep, one more".

She kissed him, and then headed into the kitchen.

Hiding things from him, if her suspicions were right, was going to be harder than she thought.


	2. Chapter 2

***Later that night***

Jennifer had gone to bed after dinner, and had fallen asleep almost immediately.

Jonathan had stayed up watching the news and then came to bed. He wrapped his arms around her, and nestled his head next to hers.

After laying there not able to fall asleep, he rolled over and looked at the clock. 12:04 a.m.

He started kissing her and pulled her closer to him.

"Darling…darling…"

She slowly woke up.

"What is it?"

"It's after midnight".

"Thanks for the update".

"Jennifer, I am serious."

"About what?"

"Darling…it's tomorrow. Officially".

She rolled over and put her head on his chest.

"Jennifer…it's tomorrow".

She slowly started to connect the dots, and then got a huge smile on her face.

"So it is".

She leaned up and kissed him, while they furiously tried to take their clothes off.

After making mad, passionate, love 4 times in a row, they collapsed together and fell asleep.

Jonathan fell asleep first. Jennifer laid there, trying not to cry, wondering if that was the last time she would ever make love to her husband.

***The next morning***

Jennifer managed to get through breakfast with Jonathan, and then as soon as he left, she broke down in tears. She allowed herself to cry for about an hour, and then decided to pull herself together and stop wallowing. She reminded herself that she could be worrying over absolutely nothing, which was exactly what she promised Susan she wasn't going to do.

She decided to have a Jennifer day.

She got up and got dressed and went to get her nails and toes done, and then she went shopping. She came home and watched a movie and lounged on the couch.

Her movie ended and the next one started, and she was too lazy to change the channel so she just decided to watch that one too.

It was about a lady who was a caregiver for her best friend. Her best friend had a terminal illness, and she stayed with her till the very end, and then fulfilled her wishes on how she wanted to be buried and what kind of service she wanted, etc. At the will reading, her friend had left her a very large sum of money, and she left her specific instructions to spend it crossing things off her bucket list, so that she wouldn't die with regrets.

Jennifer started thinking. She decided to make a list of 101 things to do in 1001 days.

Her list came together very fast.

Kiss Jonathan every day.

Make him his favorite meals at least twice a week

Show him I love him more than I tell him.

Take a weekend trip with him, where we have no distractions.

Let him pick the restaurant the next 4 times.

Buy him a love gift-something he really wants

Plan his dream vacation and take it with him

Organize the house so that when I am gone, he won't be lost.

Plan my funeral so he doesn't have to.

Not complain, or show him that I'm in pain.

Surprise him at work one day with his favorite lunch.

Write him love letters for him to read when I'm gone

Visit London with him one more time

Dance with him as often as I can

Take a hot air balloon ride with him

Take him to the ranch for a few days

Get a map and mark the places we have been

Put our photos into albums

Wear his favorite lingerie to bed every night at least 5 times.

Have a candlelight dinner just because

Be more understanding when he has to work late

She suddenly came to a standstill. She finally decided to shorten the list to 30 things, and then the ideas started flowing again.

Give other people gifts on my birthday. Make him a photo album of my favorite moments with him. Pamper him one night like he pampers me. Take him on a trip, anywhere he wants to go. Organize the bills so he won't be overwhelmed. Buy him sideline tickets to a football game and don't complain or take a book. Get him season tickets to the Dodgers. Write an obituary that praises him as much as it talks about me. Take him to our special spot overlooking the bluff.

She decided to get to work on this right away.

She went to the grocery store and stocked up on all kinds of groceries, and then came home and made several of his favorite meals. She put 5 of them in the freezer, and saved one for them to have that night.

She decided they would do the candlelight dinner that night as well, and then she would pamper him with a massage and a back scratch, and whatever he wanted, while wearing his favorite lingerie. She was excited when he came home, and ran to him and kissed him several times.

"Hi darling".

"Well hello. You are sure in a good mood".

"I missed you, and now you are home".

They went and sat on the couch. She covered the list with her notepad.

"Did you have a good day?"

"I suppose. We closed a couple of deals, which is always good".

She got up and made him a cocktail, and brought it to him. She had made herself a glass of water.

"Darling…this weekend, do you think you could get away for a bit?"

"Most likely. Where do you want to go?"

"The ranch. Just you and me and the mountains and horses".

"Well, I have a meeting Friday morning. But I could leave around lunch time, and we could go then and stay till Wednesday, would that work?"

"Perfect".

She kissed him a few times.

"I made dinner, it should be ready soon."

"What are we having?"

"Caprese chicken, sautéed zucchini, and brown rice".

"I love that dinner". He kissed her.

"I know. I did it just for you".

The timer went off about 5 minutes later and she went to the kitchen and got everything ready.

He came in and tried to help her but she wouldn't let him.

She came over and put the candles on the table and lit them, and then brought their dinner.

"Babe, you really went all out. Am I forgetting something?"

"No, nothing like that. I just wanted to show you how much I love you, is all".

They did the dishes together after they finished eating, and then went to the couch to have a brandy.

She turned on the radio, and pretty soon he asked her to dance. She readily accepted and they danced all over the living room.

About an hour later, they headed upstairs to bed.

She put on his favorite lingerie, and then when he came to bed, she looked at him and said "turn over".

She straddled his back, and gave him a deep back rub for almost an hour, and then a long back scratch. She got him totally relaxed, and then climbed off him and snuggled up to him.

As he fell into a deep sleep, she kissed his cheek and whispered "I love you so much".

***The next day***

Jennifer was at home, working on an article, trying desperately to keep her mind off things. The phone rang around 12, and she absentmindedly answered it.

"Hello?"

"Jennifer, it's Susan".

"Hi. How are you?"

"I have your test results. Can I come by in about an hour?"

"Sure, I'll be here".

"Ok, great. I will see you then".

They hung up, and the knot in Jennifer's stomach grew.

She was sitting on the couch when Susan buzzed the gate.

She let her in.

"Hi, come on in".

"I wanted to do this here at home, so that I could spend as much time with you as you needed me to. I hate being rushed".

Jennifer nodded. They went and sat on the couch.

"Ok, doctor. Give it to me straight".

"Well, the test results indicate that you have a uterine tumor. So, I am referring you to an oncologist in my medical group, and they will devise a treatment plan for you."

She nodded. She felt numb.

"What stage?"

"By all indications, early stage 2, which is good, but tricky".

"Tricky how?"

"Well, it's good because in stage 2, it's still controllable. Once it hits stage 3, that's when it seems to go crazy. And it's tricky because we don't know how close to stage 3 it really is".

"So, this is curable?"

"I don't see why not".

Jennifer nodded.

"Well, I guess I need to make an appointment."

"Already done. Tomorrow at 1".

"Thank you".

"If you need anything else, let me know. You got this, ok?"

Jennifer nodded and sucked back the tears.

She hugged Susan and then showed her out.

She immediately went and did research the rest of the day on the different stages of Uterine cancer, and on the doctor she had been referred to.

She researched all afternoon, and then resolved to not think about it while Jonathan was home. She was determined that she would do whatever it took to treat this without him knowing. She didn't want him to see her at her worst, no matter what.

She went and got out one of the freezer meals, and got it ready. She was waiting on the couch for him with his cocktail, when the phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Darling, hi. Listen, we are up to our eyeballs in this Schultz deal, and we are going to be here for a couple hours yet. I'm sorry, darling. I'll be home as soon as I can".

"It's ok. I will keep your dinner warm for you".

"You're the best, babe. Love you".

"Love you more".

She blew him a kiss as she hung up the phone.

She grabbed the list and crossed off the ones that she had fulfilled.

She whispered out loud to herself, "I hope I can do this".

***Friday***

Jonathan got off work at lunch time like he promised, and they drove up to the ranch. Jennifer was excited to get to spend some time away from everything just the two of them. He had given his secretary their number at the ranch, but only in case of emergency. Otherwise, nobody else knew where they were.

She was quiet on the way up, thinking about what the oncologist had said.

"I concur with the lab results, that you have middle stage 2 cancer. I recommend an aggressive course of chemotherapy". Those words replayed in her head over and over. She had opted for the oral chemo, and was staggering it, so that the side effects didn't hit her all at once. She was still keeping it from Jonathan, and keeping up all appearances that everything was fine.

He was the sweetest, most loving, romantic man in the world, he didn't deserve to have his heart ripped to pieces because she was sick.

They were holding hands while they drove. She looked over at him.

'Gosh I love him so much', she thought. 'I am so lucky to have been able to spend this time in my life with him'.

"Darling, you are awfully quiet, are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine".

She kissed the back of his hand.

"We should probably stop at the grocery store and fill up before we get there. You up to that?"

"Sure. We can grill out tonight if you want".

"And lay in the hammock, afterwards?"

"Absolutely".

They stopped at the grocery store about 40 minutes before they got to the ranch, and filled up. Jennifer grabbed a paper so they could see what was going on in town that weekend.

They got to the ranch and unloaded the car, and Jennifer put the groceries away while Jonathan got the grill set up. They decided on steaks, grilled veggies, and baked onion rings.

They did the dishes together, and then Jonathan went outside and lit some candles, and got their hammock all set up. He came and found her in the bedroom. She had just changed into her yoga pants and a long-sleeved shirt and flip flops.

He grabbed her hand and pulled her to him for a long kiss.

"I love you, Red".

"I love you too, Jonathan Charles".

They went and laid in the hammock under the stars. He cradled her and wrapped his arms around her, and kissed her head a few times.

She turned to face him and kissed his cheek.

"Darling, thank you for dropping everything and coming here with me. I appreciate it".

"No thanks necessary, darling. I love to spend time with you, you know that".

She snuggled against him and put her head on his shoulder.

They stayed like that for a couple more hours and then went inside to bed.

***Saturday***

Jennifer was up reading the paper she had bought when Jonathan woke up.

She jumped up and got him some coffee.

"I made your favorite-orange cinnamon rolls".

"Well, good morning to me".

He came over and kissed her.

"Darling, I was just reading about a festival they are having in town today-they have hot air balloon rides. I really want us to take one. What do you think?"

"Sure, sounds great".

She brought him a plate of cinnamon rolls, and kissed his forehead.

After a lazy breakfast, they got ready and drove into town for the festival.

***Strawberry Festival***

Jonathan and Jennifer walked around the festival, looking at the booths. They bought a few trinkets and keepsakes, and then stopped and got a few bottles of water. They made their way to the hot air balloons, and signed up for a 3 hour ride.

Jonathan got them the Ultimate package, and paid extra for them to be able to go by themselves.

They waited about an hour and then it was their turn.

Jonathan helped her into the gondola, and then climbed in after her.

He popped the champagne, and they filled two glasses, and toasted each other. Jennifer was taking tons of pictures. She was too excited to even finish her champagne. She leaned over and looked at Jonathan. "Thank you, darling". She gave him a big kiss and then they took a few pictures together.

He wrapped his arms around her waist, and held her as they enjoyed the rest of the hot air balloon ride.

In this moment, their lives were absolutely perfect. Jennifer was determined to keep it that way.


	3. Chapter 3

***The Ranch***

After their wonderful hot air balloon ride, Jonathan and Jennifer walked around the festival some more and then went home. They got home just after the rain had started. Jonathan chased Jennifer to the door, and they shared some soaking wet kisses in the rain and then went inside. He jumped in the shower and she got them some towels.

Before she joined him, she took a couple of her pills while he wouldn't be there to see her. After a very steamy shower, they put on lounging clothes and headed to the hammock on the screened in porch.

She nestled into the crook of his arm and he held her close.

"I reinforced this hammock today, darling".

She sat up and looked at him.

"Are you trying to say something without saying it?"

"No, don't be silly. I am saying that I reinforced it so that we don't have to be still."

She gave him a suspicious look, and then laid back down on him again.

"Darling…if we were to take the trip of your dreams, the absolute number one place you have always wanted to go, just you and me, where would it be?"

"Anywhere that I could see your beautiful face. Anywhere that you will be happy".

"Darling, this is your dream trip. Where do you want to go?"

"This is going to sound silly, but there is one place that I have always wanted to go to, but never went, and now that I can afford to go, it's weird because I can afford to take you to much more expensive places than that, so I haven't ever gone."

"Do you still want to go?"

"I do. I imagine I will get there someday".

"Where are you talking about?"

"I want to go to Maine and go lobster fishing, and stay at an Inn or a bed and breakfast".

"That sounds heavenly".

"I think it would be so neat to get a yacht and go out and catch a bunch of lobster, and then stay on the boat for a bit. Of course, you would have to time it right so that the weather isn't miserable. And little inns have so much character, and charm."

She kissed his cheek.

"I completely agree with you".

He looked at her and kissed her forehead.

"Where would you want to go?"

"London, with you, once more".

"Why?"

"Because it's where I met you and where we fell in love. It's the most special city to me".

"I have to go there for a business deal in a month or so, want to go with me?"

"I would love to".

She looked away so he couldn't see her face, and she was eternally grateful for the cover of darkness.

'If I am still here, or able to go', she thought.

They were enjoying listening to the rain fall.

"Darling, do you remember that first weekend you brought me here?"

"Yes, I had just bought the place, and we had only been engaged for about a month. It was our first trip away together, just us. No phones, no distractions, no interruptions".

"It still to this day is one of the best weekends I have ever spent".

"Same here".

He kissed her long and slow, and they shifted a little in the hammock, so that they were laying side by side and facing each other.

They stayed like that, kissing and cuddling for a couple of hours, and then they decided to go inside.

Jonathan picked Jennifer up to carry her to bed, and she kissed him to try and hide the fact that she was in pain.

As soon as they got to the bedroom, she excused herself, ran to the bathroom, and took a pain pill.

She put on some more of his favorite lingerie and then emerged to find him in the bed under the covers.

She went to the bed and straddled him, and he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her to him.

He flipped her so that she was on her back, and then he seductively moved the spaghetti straps of her lace baby doll off her shoulder, as he left a trail of kisses from her neck to her knees. She shimmied out of the baby doll, and he pulled her legs around his waist.

They joined together in a frenzied state, and she let out moan after moan as he thrust in to her and brought her to ecstasy.

Just after she went over the edge, he followed right behind her, and then collapsed on top of her, while kissing her neck, and breathing heavily.

The storm raged all around them, as they laid in bed, exploring each other and being romantic. She ran her fingers through his hair, and lightly scratched his back.

They finally fell asleep a few hours later, wrapped in each other's arms.

***Sunday***

Jonathan and Jennifer slept late, and he made her favorite omelets for them for breakfast. She sat on his lap and fed him some bites, and then he surprised her by telling her he was going to the lake to fish. She decided to stay in the cabin and read.

He promised to be back in an hour, with several fish to fry.

She kissed him and went to shower as he left.

She put on some yoga capris and a tank top, and decided to work on the list some. She crossed everything they had done so far, and looked at what was left. She was making progress.

She decided to start writing her eulogy. She found it very sweet and romantic that her bucket list was basically a Jonathan list. She started to write things down, that she had done and accomplished, and then she began to feel herself get upset. She didn't know how to put into words what meeting Jonathan had done for her and what a wonderful life they had together. She decided she would work on it later.

She put it all out of sight, and then went and started making them lunch.

Jonathan came back right on schedule, without any fish.

"Better luck next time, honey".

"I think it was because I didn't have my lucky charm with me".

He kissed her.

"You are so sweet to me".

"You make it so easy".

After they had lunch, they decided to go down to the stables and check on their horses.

Jennifer saddled up Lady In Red right away, and Jonathan saddled up Ladybug. They took the horses out and took them on a long run, down by the lake and up to the edge of the canyon, and back down the backside of their property. Jennifer loved nothing more than a leisurely horseback ride with her husband.

After they got the horses back to the stable, they held hands as they walked back up to the house.

"Darling…do you ever think about what you want to happen to you after you are gone? Like, do you want to be buried or cremated? And where do you want to be?"

"I have thought about it over the years, but I haven't nailed down anything permanent. Have you?"

She shook her head. "But I think we need to figure that out".

"I agree. I just hate talking about it and thinking about you not being here is all".

"I don't like it either, but it's going to happen, like it or not".

"So, what do you want to do?"  
"I think I want to be an organ donor. I want to help others, and if my organs can do that, then great. And after that happens, I want to be cremated. And after I am cremated, I want my ashes spread in the Thames River, by the bridge where you proposed to me".

"I love that idea. Kind of like coming full circle".

"Mmm hmm. That's the idea".

"Well, then that's what I want to, and when we get back home, we will put it in writing with a lawyer".

She nodded.

They got back to the main house and got ready for dinner.

She was starting to feel better about leaving Jonathan, and knowing that he would honor her wishes.

***Tuesday***

Jennifer and Jonathan decided that they were going to go back home a day early, so they were up and packing by 10. It had been a fun long weekend, but they were both ready to get back to civilization.

Jennifer made a list of things she wanted to do when she got home.

It was a short list. She wanted to plan their Maine trip, buy the sports tickets on the list, and buy Jonathan something fun, so that he could remember her every time he looked at it when she was gone.

They were on the road by 12, and home by 6. It had been a very relaxing weekend, and they were both glad they had taken the time to get away.

He brought up the idea of ordering in Chasen's and she readily agreed.

She ended up going up to bed before he did. She was in bed in one of his pajama tops when he came upstairs.

He slipped into bed beside her and wrapped his arms around her.

"I love you, Red".

"I love you too, Jonathan Charles".

He kissed her a few times, and then they snuggled up and went to sleep.

***Wednesday***

Jennifer had a very productive morning. She made a new list of unfinished items, and then planned their Maine trip. She picked the last week of September. Her birthday was during that week, so they could celebrate in Maine and spend a week on a boat, catching lobsters. She called the office.

"Deanne? Hi, it's Mrs. Hart. I need a favor. Do you see on Jonathan's calendar when he is scheduled to be in London next month?"

"Yes ma'am. It's the first 10 days of October".

"Perfect. Can you block off the last week of September as well, and mark it simply as "Vacation"?

"Yes ma'am, right away."

"Thank you. And it's a surprise for him, so please don't tell him, alright?"

"You got it".

They hung up, and she made all the reservations. She booked them 2 nights at Inn By the Sea, in one of their Cove suites, and a trip on their lobster boat. She booked them the ultimate lobster package, which included keeping the lobsters they catch and a deal at a restaurant for cooking and getting sides to go with it. She called Jack and made sure that he was available to fly them, and let him know they would be flying from there to London.

Next on her list was to buy the sports tickets. She was able to find a great deal on some great seats, and she printed out the tickets right then. She was going to surprise him with those over a special dinner, at some point. She just didn't know when.

The next part was the hardest. She wanted to buy him something that he wanted, but that he could use to remember her with. She wanted it to be meaningful, and she wanted it to be special.

She looked through some catalogs and saw things that he had circled or marked. She finally decided on a leather massage recliner. On days when he missed her touch, he could sit in the chair and it would be like she was giving him a backrub. It wouldn't be the same, but it would be as close as he could get.

She ordered it, and was told it would be delivered middle of October. Perfect.

She got to work on an article, and was deep into the research when the phone rang. It was Susan.

"Jennifer, how are you feeling?"

"Ok I suppose. Not much change".

"Well, that's good, I suppose. No side effects from the pills?"

"None yet".

"Well, that's great. But don't be surprised if they show up. I wanted to tell you that we opened a new service wing here at the hospital. It's counseling just for cancer patients and their spouses. If you and Jonathan want to try it, first sessions on me".

"Thanks, but we can't".

"Jennifer, you did tell him, didn't you?"

"Not exactly."

"Jennifer, as your physician, I must recommend that you tell him, as it will ease your mind and his support can have a huge impact on your recovery. And as your friend-take it from someone who had a spouse with a history of keeping things from them-it's not fun to be kept in the dark".

"I know. But I want him to remember me like I was when he fell in love with me, not a skeletal version of myself".

"He will. He loves you so much, he will probably remember how you looked every single day of your marriage. And who's to say that he will have to remember you? You could very well beat this, you know".

"I know that. And if I do, then I will tell him."

"Jennifer, I am obviously not going to convince you. So, let me just say, I don't recommend this or go along with it. I can't tell him anything about your condition due to doctor/patient privilege. But, personally, I think this is the wrong choice".

"Duly noted. I will call you if I need anything".

"Ok, see you soon".

They hung up. Susan made some valid points, but Jennifer was determined that she wasn't going to break Jonathan's heart by telling him that she was sick. He deserved a healthy wife, and that's what she was going to give him.


	4. Chapter 4

***Willow Pond***

Jennifer is in the study. She is starting her second week of chemo pills today. She is starting to feel a side effect of the medicine, which is insomnia. That's the only side effect she is feeling though, which is good.

She has crossed a few more things off her list, and Jonathan is still none the wiser. She finished planning her funeral, down to the last detail. She wrote her eulogy and also her obituary. It was extremely morbid for her, but she was trying to make everything easier on Jonathan. She was going to give him the tickets to the games tonight, with a special dinner.

He called and told her he was going to be home in time for dinner, so she made one of his favorite meals- chicken enchiladas with green sauce, and cilantro lime rice.

She was in the kitchen when he came in. He came over and wrapped his arms around her.

"Hi darling. You are so gorgeous".

He kissed her a few times.

"Hi. And thank you".

She kissed him back a few times.

She could see he had a headache. She rubbed his temples for him, as he rested his head under her chin.

She gave him a nice scalp massage, and loved on him a little bit, and then went and got him some medicine.

"What has you all worked up into a headache?"  
"Well, the deal that I have been working on for the past few weeks is falling apart. And I am trying to hold it together but it's costing more money than I wanted to spend and I know that there is something I am not seeing, but I can't put my finger on it".

"Want me to take a look at the numbers and see if I can find it?"

"No, I don't. I want to spend my time with you not focused on the deal".

She wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Fair enough".

She kissed him and then got dinner ready.

He was cheered up a little by the fact that he loved the dinner and that he was spending time with her.

But she could see he was still stressed.

She did the dishes, and took another pain pill, and then decided to go to the hot tub.

"Want to join me?"

"Sure. That sounds nice".

They went and changed, and then got in the hot tub.

She got behind him and gave him a back rub, and scratched his shoulders.

They soaked for a long time, just relaxing and enjoying each other's company.

"Darling…when did you know that you wanted to marry me?"

"I believe it was when we were on the ferry boat, in London".

"Really? That soon?"

"Yep. That soon".

He leaned over and kissed her cheek.

"What about you?"

"I believe it was when you said you believed me, on the ferry boat".

She turned to look at him.

"Out of all the dates that we've had, what's your favorite one?"

"I cherish any moment I can spend with you, darling. You know that".

"I do too. But some stand out more than the others. Like the time that you and I went to dinner for the first time and the press hounded us all night, and we came out to a million flashbulbs going off, or the first time I spent the night with you here, after I moved here from New York, or our first anniversary when you made everything so perfect and tried to surprise me in every way imaginable at that little bed and breakfast up in Oregon…..they are all special but some of them are really special".

She leaned over and kissed him, and swung her legs across his lap.

"Darling…if I had turned down your marriage proposal, who do you think you would have ended up with?"

"You. I would have kept pursuing you and would have finally convinced you to say yes".

"You sound awful sure of yourself".

"Darling, it's a simple matter of cause and effect. You and I would have always ended up together. And if you had repeatedly said no, then I would rather be alone than live with someone who doesn't measure up to you or make me feel like you do". He leaned over and kissed her neck.

They soaked a little longer and then got out.

They dried off and got ready for bed, and as she climbed into bed, she handed him a present.

"Here, open it".

She got settled under the covers next to him, and watched as he opened it. He loved presents and he was so excited, he was like a kid on Christmas.

He got the wrapping paper off, and then opened the box, and his eyes lit up when he saw what it was.

"Are you serious?"

She nodded.

"Babe….we are going to be so close".

"I know".

The football game was about 2 months away. The season tickets to the Dodgers didn't start till the next spring.

"You are the best, babe". He leaned over and kissed her several times.

"What's the occasion?"

"Just a love gift is all".

She laid down next to him, and snuggled up to him. He put the tickets on the nightstand, and then turned out the light. He pulled her on to him, and wrapped his arms around her.

"You are so beautiful".

His lips covered hers and they kissed tenderly, as he worked her nightgown up her body. She sat up and leaned back as he took the nightgown off, and then he flipped her so that she was on her back. He was covering her body in kisses while she was trying to get his pajamas off him.

Once his clothes were off, he returned his focus to her, and she was very receptive. She ran her fingers through his hair, and held him close, as he suckled and kissed on her nipples.

She reached down and guided him to where she wanted him, and wrapped her legs around his waist.

They joined together as one, and moved their hips together while he kissed her tenderly.

He looked deep in to her eyes.

"Jona…..than…."

"Ok baby…."

She tightened around him as he filled her, and they exploded together in intimacy. They kissed at the height of their peak, and softened it as they both relaxed.

She rubbed his back as he held her tighter.

"I love you, Red".

"And I love you, Jonathan Charles".

They snuggled up together and a few minutes later, he was snoring next to her.

She moved the pillow and put it under his arm as she slipped out of his embrace.

She quietly got dressed again and went and grabbed another pain pill. She headed downstairs so that she wouldn't disturb him.

She started cleaning the house, and had organized all of the cabinets in the kitchen in no time.

4 hours later, she was in the study and had organized their bills and important papers. She made him a notebook and wrote it all out for him, what is due when, and what the account numbers and passwords are for everything.

She wrote him a love letter telling him why she did it and that she would always be with him, and placed that in the front. She made a file folder marked Bills, and placed the notebook in the file, and closed the drawer.

She got out the list, and marked off what she had left to do.

She got up and got out some photo albums, and their box of photos. She sat down on the floor and started organizing their photos, and then she put them in order of how she wanted them in the albums. She pulled out some photos she wanted to put into the album that tells the story of their relationship.

She printed off one of her favorite quotes and put it on the first page. Then she started putting the pictures in, adding in the year so that it would follow a timeline. She got all the way to the end, and the last picture was one of their selfies that she had taken of them on their last vacation.

Looking at it brought tears to her eyes. They were both so blissfully happy, and so in love. She printed off another copy of that photo and wrote him a love letter about the photo.

She put those on the book shelf, and then went to their cabinet, and found a map. She found a box of thumbtacks, and decided to frame the map without the glass. She carefully took the glass out, and laid it on the table. She framed the map and hung it on the wall, and then started marking off all the places they had been with thumbtacks. Pretty soon, the entire map was a sea of thumbtacks. She got out the fancy thumbtacks, with the flags on them, and used those for special moments, like engagement, wedding, honeymoon, met, things like that. She admired her handiwork for a little bit, and then decided to put the glass away and clean up her mess. She looked at the clock. 4:16 a.m.

She cleaned up the floor first, and then cleared a spot for the large piece of glass to go into the cabinet. As she picked it up, and tried to put it in the cabinet, she accidentally hit the edge of the cabinet with the glass. It knocked her back, and she fell, and the glass shattered on her and around her. The fall caused her to hit her head, and she passed out.

She had cuts on her face and chest, and hands, and was bleeding in several places.

A couple hours later, Jonathan got up to go to the bathroom, and came back and realized she wasn't in bed.

He came downstairs to look for her, and found her in the study.

"Jennifer! Darling, are you alright?"

He grabbed her to shake her in an attempt to wake her up, and cut his hand in the process. He didn't care though, he was only focused on Jennifer.

He reached up and grabbed the phone and called for an ambulance.

He ran upstairs and got dressed and grabbed some clothes for her as well. He went and grabbed the broom and dustpan so that he could clean up after the paramedics got her off the floor.

He grabbed her hand again.

"Darling, I'm right here. It's ok".

He smoothed her hair off her face, and stayed right there till the ambulance came, leaving her only to open the gate and the door.

They picked her up and put her on a stretcher, and began to examine her.

He agreed to follow the ambulance to the hospital.

***Bel Air Community Hospital***

Jennifer was brought in, and Jonathan was right behind her. They let him sit in the ER room with her, and he watched them clean her off, and get her some oxygen. It was about a minute or two after they gave her oxygen that she woke up.

She reached her arms out to him and he went to her.

"I'm here, you are ok".

"What happened?"

"You were in the study in the middle of the night and I found you covered in glass, and you were passed out. So, I called an ambulance and had you brought here".

The nurse came in and checked on her.

"Lay back and rest Mrs. Hart. The doctor will be in soon".

Jennifer fell asleep, and Jonathan sat by her, holding her hand.

The doctor came in and took some blood from her, and had a tech glue one of her cuts. They cleaned the other ones, and declared most of them to be superficial.

About an hour later, the bloodwork was back. The doctor came in and asked to speak to Jonathan in the waiting room.

They found an empty waiting room, and the doctor brought Jonathan in.

"Mr. Hart, as a standard of protocol, we typically run the bloodwork to see if something in the patient's system is causing the issues. We found something alarming in your wife's system, which is a high amount of a drug that is used for chemotherapy. How long has your wife been battling cancer?"

"I don't know what you're talking about, my wife doesn't have cancer".

"I can pull her medical records and see, but I can't think of any other reason why she would be on this medicine if she didn't have cancer."

"So, hypothetically, if she does have cancer, could that be why she passed out?"

"It could. But it's my professional opinion that she doesn't have cancer. I was going to ask you what kind she had so that we could further check it out. The bottom line is if she had cancer, having been on chemo, her white cell number should be extremely low. It's not. It's within normal limits. So, that means that either her chemo isn't working, or she has no cancer. I do think she is suffering from lack of sleep, which is a side effect of that medicine. So, it could be that she passed out from not sleeping and that's when the glass fell on her, I don't know. I wasn't there. I would like to pull her medical records, with your permission, so that we can see what we are dealing with and then determine if there is something to deal with".

"Absolutely. Thank you, doctor".

He returned to Jennifer. He took her hand and sat by her again, and tried to make sense of what he had just been told.


	5. Chapter 5

***Bel Air Community Hospital***

Jennifer finally woke up a few hours later.

She squeezed Jonathan's hand and turned towards him a little bit.

"What happened?"

"You fell in the study. Broke some glass on you".

She noticed that his tone was rather curt.

Before she could question him, the doctor came in.

"Jennifer, how are you feeling?"

"Good, I guess. A little confused".

"That's to be expected".

Jonathan looked at her, and then back at the doctor.

"From what-hitting her head, or the chemo?"

"Hitting her head, I am sure."

He did a visual examination and then told her that he would have her taken for some tests shortly.

She was quiet, and looked down for a bit before she looked over at him.

"Who told you?"

"Not the person who should have".

"That's fair".

"You're damn right it's fair. How many times do we tell each other there isn't anything we can't get through together? And yet, you won't let us get through it together. You always get so determined to handle it on your own, and it always backfires."

"I didn't want to upset you".

"Darling, I am going to be upset either way-when I find out you are sick, or when I find out you didn't tell me".

She looked at him sincerely.

"I'm sorry, Jonathan".

He stared at her and didn't say anything.

She reached for his hand but he didn't take it.

"All these weeks, when you were being extra loving towards me, and making all my favorite meals and wearing my favorite lingerie….it was all an act, wasn't it?"

"It wasn't an act. It was me trying to make our last days special, and trying to do things that you enjoyed so that you would remember them fondly".

"How did this come about?"

"I made a bucket list. I have been crossing things off the bucket list ever since I found out".

"So, all these weeks, you didn't want to be with me, you were just doing it for the list. I see".

"Jonathan! That's not true!"

"Jennifer, yes it is. You just said you were knocking things off a list".

"I was enjoying spending time with you, darling. That was first and foremost".

He looked at her long and hard.

"There was a time when you didn't need a list to enjoy our time together".

He stood up.

"I'm going to take a walk".

He left the room, as Jennifer broke down in tears.

The nurse came and got her some water, and they took her back for the tests. She was getting some x-rays and a full body MRI.

She was back in her room in about an hour, and Jonathan still wasn't back yet.

She felt so horrible for hurting him, but she was just trying to protect him. She knew deep down, it would tear him to shreds to see her the way cancer patients usually are at the end of their lives, and she wanted more than anything for him to not remember her like that.

The doctor came back and went over the results with her.

"The shadow that your doctor saw is gone. And your bloodwork indicates that you don't have cancer, so it's my professional opinion that you take these results back to your oncologist and have them look them over".

"Thank you, Dr."

She got dressed again, and waited for Jonathan to come back.

20 minutes later, he was standing in the doorway.

"Dr. discharged me. We can go home".

"Alright, let's go".

He made no effort to hold her hand or touch her at all as they walked to the elevator.

They had a quiet ride home, and she followed him inside the house.

She immediately went and got a glass of water, and a banana.

He went upstairs to shower and go to the office.

She was about to head upstairs when he came down.

"Jonathan?"

She went to him.

He just turned and looked at her.

"Can we talk tonight when you get home?"

"Don't wait dinner on me".

He headed out the door without so much as a goodbye.

***Later that afternoon***

Jennifer was waiting on Jonathan to come home. She had rested all day, and cried on and off.

She made dinner, and went ahead and ate a bite. She was going to try and eat some more when Jonathan got home, if he came home at all.

Around 8:30, she went upstairs and got in bed. She had a splitting headache, so she made the room as dark as possible, and turned the fan on, and put a warm washcloth on the back of her neck.

She fell asleep, just before Jonathan got home.

He came in, and heated his dinner up in the kitchen.

When he went upstairs, he saw her asleep in the bed.

He changed in the bathroom, and came to bed. He was careful not to disturb her.

He fell asleep soon after. In the middle of the night, he absentmindedly wrapped his arm around her waist.

A few minutes later, he took his arm away and rolled over.

***The next morning***

Jennifer was downstairs early, and had made coffee. She was making his breakfast when he came in the kitchen.

"Morning. Coffee's ready".

"Morning. Thank you".

"Breakfast will be ready in a minute".

"None for me, thanks. I'm not hungry".

"I can pack it for you to take to the office, if you'd like".

"If you want".

She finished making his omelet and packed it up for him to take with him.

She walked it over to him.

"Will you be home for dinner tonight?"

"Yes, I will".

"Good. See you then". She kissed his cheek, and headed upstairs. He made no attempt to call after her or return the kiss or anything. She noticed, and it broke her heart.

She spent the whole day writing love letters to him, and put them in a file. Around 4, she laid down on the couch, and took a short nap.

She woke up just as his key was turning in the lock.

She went and fixed him a cocktail, and took it to him, before heading to the kitchen to start dinner.

She came and told him it was ready about 30 minutes later, and he joined her at the table.

They had a quiet dinner. They were both waiting for the other one to say something, but neither of them wanted to speak first.

She did the dishes after dinner, and then went upstairs and took a long bubble bath.

She read in bed awhile, and then went downstairs to get some water.

She found him on the couch, asleep. She covered him with a blanket, and kissed him softly.

"I love you, I hope you know that", she whispered to him, and then went back upstairs.

***2 days later***

Things weren't much better between Jonathan and Jennifer. They just couldn't seem to start talking to each other again. She wanted to apologize to him a thousand times, but he rejected her apology in the hospital, and now she was scared.

He wanted to tell her that he wasn't mad at her, he was just scared to death that he was going to lose her. But he couldn't find the words.

She decided to jumpstart things, and made a few plans.

She put on his favorite outfit, and packed his favorite lunch, and headed to the office to take it to him.

***Hart Industries***

Jennifer parked and went inside and took the elevator all the way up.

Deanne wasn't at her desk, so Jennifer just went on in Jonathan's office.

He had his back towards the door, and was on the phone.

She set the picnic basket down on the corner of his desk, and reached over the back of his chair to touch his shoulder. She kissed his head just before he turned around.

He looked at her with surprise and motioned to the phone.

"Yes, David, I understand where you are coming from. Can you look over those numbers again?"

He grabbed a notepad and wrote a big question mark.

She grabbed it and wrote back "I brought you lunch".

He grimaced and then wrote back "Not today".

She tried not to look hurt, but she failed.

She nodded and wrote back "I love you".

He didn't even look at it.

She left a few minutes later.

***Willow Pond***

She cried the whole way home. As soon as she pulled up, she went inside and packed several bags. She sat down and wrote him a note, and placed it on the bar.

With tears in her eyes, she left Willow Pond, and seemingly, him-forever.

***A few hours later***

Jonathan got home and saw that her Porsche was gone, but the BMW was there. He came in and spotted her note on the bar almost immediately.

He went over to it.

"Dear Jonathan,

I am sorry that I ruined us, I am sorry that I cannot fix things between us. I want you to be happy, and I am not making you happy anymore, so I moved out. I will be fine, and I am sure you won't worry about me at all. Please take care of yourself.

For what it's worth, I still love you and I always will. Love, Jennifer".

He walked behind the bar and poured himself a nice, stiff drink.

He picked up the phone and called the beach house. She wasn't there. He knew he couldn't call the cabin, because there wasn't a phone. He didn't bother to call the ranch, because that was too far away.

He called Susan Kendall, and left her a message asking her to call him.

He had no choice but to sit and wait-either on Susan to call him, or on Jennifer to return.

***Jennifer***

Jennifer rented a condo on the beach, not too far from the beach house. It was furnished, and just the right price.

She got settled in, and sat on her new terrace with a nice cold drink. Try as she might, she couldn't shut the door on Jonathan. She wanted to not think of him again, but she couldn't. He was her whole life, and always would be.

She sat out there till the sun went down, and then went inside and went to bed, letting the sadness wash over her like a wave.

***Jonathan***

Late that night, around 9, Susan returned Jonathan's call.

"Jonathan, hi, it's Susan".

"Have you heard from Jennifer?"  
"No, not today. Is everything alright?"

"Well, she fell last week, and had to be taken to the hospital. And the doctor there informed me that she had cancer, and naturally, we argued about her not telling me that she was sick. She moved out today, and I am just trying to find her".

"Well, I am seeing her tomorrow, but I haven't talked to her today. I can pass along a message, if you'd like".

"I would love it. Please ask her to call me".

"Will do. Bye Jonathan".

He hung up.

***The next morning***

Jonathan got to the office bright and early. He wasn't in as good a mood as he usually was though. His mornings with Jennifer were typically responsible for his moods.

He asked Deanne to call and confirm the appointment at this number, and handed her the slip of paper.

"I want to know all the details that you can find out".

"Yes, Mr. Hart".

A few minutes later, she buzzed his office.

"Sir, the appointment is confirmed for today at 1".

"Thank you, Deanne".

He worked on a merger for about an hour. He was about to get up when his phone rang.

"Hello?"

No answer.

"Hello?"

The line went dead.

He went to his meeting next, and right on time, he headed to his appointment.

***Jennifer***

Jennifer spent some time on the beach writing.

She came inside around 11 and got a shower and got dressed.

On a whim, she picked up the phone and dialed the number for his office.

She had planned on saying "I love you", but she chickened out, so she was just quiet.

A tear fell as she hung up the phone.

She ate some lunch and then headed out.

***Kendall Medical Group***

Jennifer came in and signed in, and was called back right away.

Susan came in almost immediately, and could tell that things weren't good.

It was 12:40, so they had some time to talk before the appointment officially started.

"I screwed everything up, and I don't know that I can fix it this time".

"Ok, take a deep breath. Tell me all about it."

"He is so angry with me. I made a bucket list and I have been checking things off the list, and most of the list revolves around him. And he accused me of only spending time with him because of the list".

Susan rubbed her arm reassuringly.

"I moved out. And I don't know that he will ever take me back. And I hate this, because I'm a strong woman, but when you take him away from me, I cannot be strong. I love him so much".

"Jennifer, I am sure you didn't screw things up beyond repair. And I am sure that he is hurt that you didn't tell him you have cancer, but that doesn't mean you can't resolve it".

"It feels different this time. I took him his favorite lunch, and he wouldn't even get off the phone for me. And I wrote I love you on a notepad, and he didn't even acknowledge it".

"Ok, you are clearly too upset. I am going to just take your bloodwork and then send you home to rest, and I will call you tomorrow with the results".

She nodded.

Susan gave her a bottle of water and told her to drink it.

They completed the blood draw and then Susan gave Jennifer a long hug.

"I just wanted him to remember me how I am, not how a normal cancer patient is. It was all for him".

"I am sure in time, he will come to see that".

Jennifer stood up and grabbed her purse.

"Jennifer, Jonathan called me last night looking for you. I promised him I would tell you that he wants you to call him."

"Thank you".

Jennifer wrote down her new number, and handed it to Susan.

"This is where I am staying right now".

"Perfect".

She walked her out, and told the nurse not to charge her for the visit.

Jennifer pulled out of the parking lot just as Jonathan was pulling in. They never saw each other.

Jonathan went inside, and asked to see Susan.

She came out and called him back.

"Hi, would you mind if I sit in on her appointment today?"

"Jonathan, she was just here and she left already. She was too upset for our appointment to take place, so I just took her bloodwork and sent her home. She was absolutely distraught. Do me a favor please, and give her a break? Make her feel better, do whatever you have to do to get her through this?"

He hesitated and then nodded.

She went and copied down the number that Susan had given him.

"This is the number where she is staying".

"Thank you".

He left. He called Stanley at the office and asked him to trace the number and call him back.

He was driving past the beach house, when he saw her. She was up ahead about 8 houses, but it was definitely her.

He pulled up behind her car and parked, and went and knocked on the door.

She didn't answer. He looked through the window, and saw her sitting on the terrace. He tried the door and found it open.

He walked in and slowly walked to the terrace. He could see her shaking, her body wracking with sobs. His heart broke to see her like this.

He stood there debating on whether or not to run to her, or wait for her to see him.


	6. Chapter 6

***Jennifer's beach house***

Jonathan opened the sliding glass door and stepped out on to the terrace. She was standing at the railing, looking at the ocean.

He wrapped his arms around her. She was startled and he could feel her jump, but he held on tight.

"Let's get you inside out of the sun, ok?"

She nodded.

They walked inside and she sat down on the couch. He went to the kitchen and got them both some water.

He came and sat next to her.

"First of all…" He took her face into his hands and kissed her a few times.

"I love you. That's never going to change".

She nodded.

He hugged her for a few minutes.

"Second of all-I am sorry, we should have talked about this, and I should have listened to your side".

"Third-can we stop all this, and just focus on getting you better?"

"Why, so you can divorce me?" She was wiping her face with a Kleenex.

"Did you hear me say those words?"

She shook her head. "No, but I wouldn't blame you, I deserve it".

"You don't deserve that, Jennifer".

She looked at him. "I'm sorry I hurt you, and I'm sorry I didn't tell you, and I'm sorry you had to find out the way you did, instead of hearing it from me. I just wanted you to remember me the way you fell in love with me, and not a skeletal version of myself."

"I understand that, and I forgive you, it's alright."

He pulled her close and held her till she calmed down.

A few minutes later, she sat up and looked at him.

"It was always about you, it was never about the list, I swear".

"I believe you".

She nodded.

He leaned forward and kissed her.

"I thought you hated me for sure".

"What would make you think that?"

"Jonathan, we haven't spoken to each other in days. You barely drove me home from the hospital. I packed your favorite lunch, and brought it to you and you didn't want anything to do with me. You didn't even acknowledge the note I left you. If that's not hate, I don't know what is. It sure isn't you and me".

"That wasn't me hating you. That was me being prideful and focusing on my being mad at you, instead of trying to help you through this".

He kissed her forehead. "I apologize".

"No, don't. You don't owe me any apologies, I did this. Not you".

"How about we call it even? We are each guilty here, of something."

"Deal".

She snuggled up to him, and wiped her eyes.

"Darling, have you been eating?"

"A little".

"Have you been taking care of yourself?"

"Some".

"Ok, so hear me out. Why don't we get your things, and then move you back home? We can have a relaxing day together, just the two of us. Anything else can wait".

"I like that. I promise, from now on, I won't try and handle stuff myself".

"And I promise that I will be more understanding when you do, because we both know that you will".

She chuckled some and playfully swatted him.

She stood up and they went to the bedroom. He sat on the bed with her while she packed her bags.

He carried them to the car, and loaded it for her.

He came back inside after loading the last load.

"Darling, can you make me a promise?"

"Anything".

"Next time you leave me, don't take as much stuff, ok?"

"Jonathan!"

She turned away from him, but he grabbed her and pulled her back.

"I'm sorry. Too soon".

She eventually hugged him back.

"Darling, I was just kidding, but why did you bring so much?"

"It felt like It was totally over, and I knew I couldn't stand to go back home for anything, especially if you moved on from me".

"Move on from you? Never going to happen, I swear it".

She leaned up and kissed him for a few minutes, and then they headed home.

***Willow Pond***

They settled on the couch, after Jonathan brought all the bags in.

"So, darling. Why don't you start from the beginning and tell me everything?"

She hesitated.

"I promise, I won't get mad".

She laid back across his lap, and he covered them with a blanket.

"Ok, so I was having some pain in my abdomen, and I was waking up at night and taking medicines for it. I was concerned enough to mention it to Susan, but I waited till my annual appointment to bring it up, since I was going to be seeing her anyways. She said it was a female issue-fibroid tumors. She gave me a local, and removed them, and gave me some pain pills. She did a blood draw because they always do one at your annual appointment. She called me the next day and wanted to come by and discuss the results. She said if she came here, I would have her undivided attention, and she really wanted that for me. That's when she said that the lab results indicated that I had cancer of some kind, and that the x-rays showed a shadow. She referred me to an oncologist, who agreed with the lab. So, we started on oral chemo. And the next day, I saw a movie about a bucket list. So, I started making one. And, then I decided that if this was it, and I didn't have too terribly much time left, I better do these things while I had the energy. So, I set about to fulfill them. 95% of it was about you, and the rest was all about doing things for you. The chemo started giving me insomnia, so that's why I was downstairs the night I fell".

"How long were you in pain?"

"A few weeks, maybe. But not all day, it would come and go".

He was quiet for a bit, and smoothed her hair off her forehead.

"Show me the list".

She got up and went and got it, and brought it back to him.

She also brought the photo albums she had made.

He read over the list, and then looked at her.

"I can't believe you did all these things for me. This is backwards. If you are the sick one, I should be doing it for you".

"Darling, everything I do is with you in mind, somehow. I would never want it to be all about me".

"I love that you did this. I love that we did this. I'm sorry I said you only cared about the list".

"It's ok, I deserved that".

"No, you didn't. I apologize".

He leaned down and kissed her.

She sat up and grabbed one of the photo albums.

"I made you this so that when the time comes, you could remember me and us in our happiest of times, and not sickly".

They looked through it and reminisced about the memories she had included.

"This was so thoughtful, darling. I love this. I say we keep adding to it."

"I like that".

He was looking at the list again.

"Ok, I want to see the love letters".

"Nope. You have to wait".

"For what?"

"They are so you can read them when I'm gone, darling. I'm still here, for now".

"I'm so glad". He leaned over and kissed her passionately for a few minutes.

After they broke their kiss, she grabbed his arm.

"In all seriousness, if something happens to me, there is a file folder in the file cabinet marked 'Jennifer's funeral'. It has all the instructions of what I want, and most of it is already laid out for you. There is also a file folder marked 'Bills', so that you won't be overwhelmed, and you will know what we pay and when and to whom. And I also organized all the cabinets and made a chart showing what is where. It's on the inside of the medicine cabinet by the sink. I tried to think of everything that would make things easier on you. I am sure I missed some, but I tried".

"This is more than enough. I appreciate it, but I don't want to think about either of us being without the other one".

"I don't either, but we don't know when that will be, so we have to be prepared".

He looked over at her.

"What I do know, is that I want a hot tub date with you. Are you feeling up to it?"

"Absolutely".

She went upstairs and got ready, and came downstairs to find him getting the hot tub turned on, and the jets fired up.

She made them each a cocktail and got them some towels. He joined her soon after and they climbed inside.

She went to sit next to him, and he shook his head no.

He motioned for her to sit in front of him. As soon as she was settled, he wrapped his arms around her waist and leaned her head over his shoulder.

She reached up and stroked his cheek.

He started rubbing her shoulders and then gave her his famous neck massage.

They soaked for a long time, and cuddled.

"Darling, are you hungry?"

"I could eat. How about a pizza?"  
"Pizza sounds amazing right now".

She got out and grabbed the phone and placed their order. Just as she was going to climb back in the hot tub, the phone rang again.

She answered it, and stood behind him with her hand on his shoulder.

He was kissing her hand while she was talking.

"Jennifer? Hi, it's Susan. I need to come see you right away. Is now a good time?"

"Sure, come on".

"Ok, see you in a few minutes".

She hung up the phone.

"Susan says she needs to see us right away. She's on her way over".

Jonathan got out of the hot tub, and Jennifer wrapped a towel around him. They dried off and went upstairs to change. They had just gotten clothes on when Susan buzzed the gate.

Jennifer let her in, and then went downstairs to open the door.

"Hi, come on in".

"Sorry to barge in on you, but I had to see you, this couldn't wait".

"No worries. You saved me this afternoon, so I owe you one".

"So things are better between you two?"

"Yes. He came to the beach house and we talked things out. I came back here with him. This turned out better than I thought it would. Thank you for talking to him".

"He came to my office all on his own. I talked to him, but I didn't set it up. He loves you so much, Jennifer".

"I'm a lucky gal, for sure".

Jonathan came in the room then.

"I think I might be the lucky one".

She kissed him.

They went and sat on the couch.

"Jennifer, I don't know how to tell you this. I want you to know that I take responsibility and I will be making changes at my practice in the future, but in all of my years as a doctor, this has never happened to this extent."

"What is it?"

"When a patient comes in, we typically do a blood draw. We can test the blood sample for a number of things in office, but for the more serious things, or when we need to be absolutely certain, we send it to the lab to be sure. And typically, the lab results is what we go by, not our own. For example, if you came in and had symptoms of strep throat, I would do a throat culture, and test it in office. If it came back positive, I would start you on antibiotics; however, I also send your culture to the lab to make absolutely certain. To be perfectly honest, I send it even if my lab tells me that it's negative, because sometimes they can turn positive. So, on the off chance that the culture changes, then I get a call from the lab, and I then call the patient and bring them back in or call them in something. I would say that has happened a total of less than 10 times in the entire time I have been a doctor".

"I understand".

"So, when you come to see me, I will rush your results because we are friends, but I still follow the same protocol."

"Ok".

"I received a phone call today from the lab. It's about your results".

Jennifer reached over and grabbed Jonathan's hand. He put his other arm around her.


	7. Chapter 7

***Willow Pond***

Jennifer looked at Susan.

"What about the results?"

"There was a mix-up at the lab. You never had cancer. It was the fibroids all along, that caused the pain, and the shadow. Nothing else. You are absolutely fine. And just to be sure, I called a mobile lab to come out after I got that phone call. And I had them run your blood sample today 4 times to be sure. Here are the results".

Jennifer took them from Susan and she and Jonathan looked them over.

"So, I don't have cancer and I never did?"

"That's right".

"Well this is wonderful news!"

"I am so sorry, Jennifer. It's not my standard to misdiagnose people. But I have never gone against the lab either".

"Susan, this isn't your fault. I would be concerned if you didn't go with the lab, but you can't pick and choose. Come on now, you aren't to blame".

"Jennifer's right, Susan."

"Well, the lab is reimbursing everyone for their expenses as a result of the mix-up. So, if you get the receipts for your prescriptions, and your hospital bill, I will make sure that you are reimbursed".

"We appreciate that".

"And to show that I am still a competent physician, as soon as each of my patients are reimbursed, I am ending my ties with that lab company, and have already selected a new one, who has a better reputation".

"Susan, I am not mad or upset with you over this, I promise. I do have a question though".

"Shoot".

"The fibroids-did I really have those?"

"Yes you did."

Jennifer nodded.

"Is there anything else I can do for you?"

"No, not that I can think of. I will get those receipts together and call you tomorrow".

"I appreciate it".

She looked at both of them.

"Thanks for your time, I am sorry to have interrupted your evening".

"It was no bother, we are so glad you came and told us that Jennifer doesn't have cancer".

Jennifer walked Susan out, and when they got to the door, Susan apologized again.

"it's ok, honest".

She hugged her and then shut the door behind her.

She had tears on her face as she walked back to where Jonathan was sitting.

He noticed her tears.

"What is it?"

"I feel like I just got my life back again".

"Again?"

"Yes. The first time was today, when you forgave me".

He kissed the side of her forehead and pulled her close.

"I kind of like this bucket list idea".

"You do? Have you ever made one before?"

"No. But I think I might".

"What are you going to put on it?"

"You'll see".

He kissed her and then headed to the study.

Just then, the gate buzzed, so Jennifer let them in, and called for him.

He came and paid for the pizza, and they decided to eat on the couch.

He was laying against the couch, and she was leaning back against him, in between his legs. They took turns feeding each other bites of their pizza, and then just laid there together.

He leaned down close to her.

"What's on your mind?"

"I am just thinking about how all of this was completely unavoidable, completely unnecessary, and yet, it ended up with a positive result anyways".

"I don't follow".

"Darling, I didn't have cancer. So that means, I didn't have to hide things from you, the doctor didn't have to out me at the hospital, you and I didn't have to fight, I didn't have to move out, none of that was necessary".

"I get that. What was the positive ending? I mean, besides the obvious".

"All the time we have spent together lately, all the fun things we did. I might have made your favorite meals once or twice, and I might have worn your favorite lingerie, and we could have taken a trip, yes. But the chances that we would have done it all at once, aren't very high. I wasn't thinking about doing any of these things except kissing you each day before I watched that movie".

He nodded.

"There's another result too".

"What's that?"

"I fell more in love with you. I realized that I don't ever want to live without you, at all".

He leaned over and kissed her.

"I don't want to live without you, either".

He sat her up, and then got off the couch, and then picked her up.

He carried her upstairs.

As soon as he set her down, she went and put on his favorite nightgown, and lathered up with baby oil.

She came and joined him in bed.

They made love for hours, and then fell asleep together.

***A month later***

Jonathan was standing in the kitchen, behind Jennifer. He had his arms around her, and he was kissing her neck.

"One hint? Please? Just one, teeny tiny little hint".

"Teeny tiny? What is teeny tiny?"

"Ok, I can do this. Things that are teeny tiny. Um…. The freckle on the back of your shoulder. The speck of gray in your eyes. The amount of time it takes for you to turn down my request".

"Jonathan! Be serious".

"You tell me what is teeny tiny".

"The only thing teeny tiny about you is the size of your hint request".

He kissed her.

"So….let's have it".

"Nope. You will just have to wait and see, darling".

"Babe, I have been such a good boy. I have behaved myself. I deserve a reward".

"I agree. But me telling you where we are going isn't the reward".

He finally acquiesced, and kissed her once more before heading to work.

"Remember, we have to be at the airport at 1, so you gotta be home by 12".

"See you then".

He kissed her nose and then headed to the door.

She caught up to him, and touched his shoulder again.

He turned back.

"I love you".

"I love you, too". He kissed her again and then left.

She went upstairs and packed their suitcases and took a bubble bath.

She was so excited to give this trip to them.

She got out everything she thought he would want for London, since they were going to London on the second leg of the trip.

She was almost finished packing when she heard him come inside.

She looked at the clock. It was only 11.

"Darling, what are you doing home so early?"

"My meeting was cancelled, so I came home".

"Good, you can help me pack".

She kissed him, and he followed her into the bedroom.

After they were packed, he loaded the car, and then they locked the house up and headed to the airport.

***LAX***

They pulled up to the airport, and parked.

The baggage handlers began to unload their bags.

Jonathan and Jennifer went over to where Jack, their pilot was standing.

"Now Jack, remember, this is a surprise. Mr. Hart isn't to know about the first location at all-not the location, no details whatsoever".

"Got it".

They boarded the plane.

After takeoff, Jennifer got up and went to the bedroom. They had about 7 hours to fly, so she wasn't worried about being interrupted.

After a few minutes, she poked her head out of the bedroom, and asked Jonathan to come help her with something.

He got up and went right in there.

"What is it, babe?"

"Can you get this nightgown off me?"

"Oh, absolutely".

She was in a sheer white lace nightgown, and had her hair up.

He picked her up and laid her on the bed.

"What brought this on?"

"Well, this morning, you were saying that you had earned a reward. So, this is it".

"You are so clever".

He got undressed and joined her on the bed.

He started out by giving her some long, slow kisses. He moved to her neck, then started to kiss her breasts. She was scratching his back and kissing the top of his head.

She wrapped her legs around him, as he thrust into her.

"I want you, Jonathan Charles".

He kissed her.

"I want you too, Red".

They rocked their hips together as a slight moan escaped her lips.

They exploded into ecstasy at the same time, and laid there, trying to compose themselves.

"It's not much fun, but I'm going to have to behave more often".

She kissed him.

"Misbehaving might get you a better reward".

They snuggled up and took a nap together for a few hours. They woke up about an hour before they were supposed to land.

After they were dressed again, they went out to the main cabin.

They landed perfectly fine, and got off the plane and into the car that Jennifer had arranged.

As they drove through the streets, Jennifer looked over at him.

"Do you know where we are, yet?"

"No, actually. Let's see. It took us 7 hours. So that means we have to be on the East Coast, or at least close to it. This isn't New York, or New Jersey."

She grinned at him.

"What?"

"It's right under your nose".

He looked around, and then looked out the window again. He caught the glimpse of a license plate, and saw the word "Maine" across the top.

"Are you serious? Are we really?"

She nodded.

"How did you?"

"That weekend at the cabin, silly. You said you always wanted to go Lobster Fishing and stay in an Inn in Maine, so we are in Portland, and we are going to Lobster fishing tomorrow, and we are staying in an Inn, here in Maine".

He didn't know what to say.

He leaned over and kissed her several times.

"I love you".

"I love you too".

"When did you plan this?"

"When we got home from the cabin. I almost canceled it when you were mad at me, but I forgot about it."

"This is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me. Thank you, Jennifer".

"You're welcome".

She kissed him again.

***Inn by the Sea***

They arrived at their Inn 30 minutes later, and got checked in.

"We are having champagne in the lobby in about an hour, so feel free to join us".

"Thank you, we just might".

After they got settled into their room, they went downstairs to join the champagne party.

They drank a few glasses and then headed back upstairs.

"Darling, you surprised me with this trip, so let me surprise you now, ok?"

"Ok".

He went and drew her a bath in the clawfoot tub, and filled it with rose petals and some of the relax bath salts he found under the sink.

He lit some candles that he found in the linen closet, and then called her into the bathroom.

She stood there, taking it all in.

"Darling, I think these candles are storm candles."

"Well, tonight, we can just pretend the lights are out, ok?"

She squeezed his chin and started to undress.

She slipped into the bath, and got comfy. She looked over at him.

"Aren't you going to join me?"

"Not this time. But I am going to sit here with you".

She nodded.

"Be right back".

He went to his suitcase and pulled out a big stack of papers.

"Don't tell me you brought business with you!".

"No. This was a personal project".

"Oh? What is it?"

"Remember when you and I were talking about your bucket list and I told you I was going to make one?"

"Yes".

"Well, I finished it".

"You did! Let me see it".

"Hang on, hang on."

He picked it up.

"It has a lot of items on here."

"Oh it does?"

"Yes. You see, I was trying to think of how many things I wanted to do, and my first thought was that you and I have been married 14 years. So, then I figured out how many days that has been. And the answer is, 5110."

"That many?"

"Yes, that many".

"So that's how many things your list has?"

"Yes."

"You better get busy".

"Oh, I have been. I decided that was too many things, so I narrowed it down. I was going to do a top 3. But there was only one thing I really want to do, and then I decided I could just do that one thing each day, and my list would always be complete".

"Darling, what is this one thing?"

"It's something I love to do, I can't wait to do, something I have always done, and something that I put above everything else I do, in all situations".

She looked straight ahead and tried to figure it out.

"Here's a hint".

"You and your hints". She reached over and kissed him.

"Are you ready?"

"Darling, the water is getting cold. Can you help me out of here?"

"Sure".

He put the papers down, and helped her stand up, and drain the tub. He helped her climb out and handed her a towel.

As she dried off, he went and got her slippers and robe and nightgown from the bed.

"Thank you, darling".

He set about the bathroom, turning the lights on, and blowing the candles out. He went and changed into his pajamas and was waiting for her in bed.

He handed her a glass of champagne.

"Oh, thank you. Now, back to your list".

He grabbed the list and held it up.

"One-Love Jennifer".

"How sweet".

He turned the page, so she could read the second one.

"Love Jennifer. (page is turned). Love Jennifer. (page is turned). Love Jennifer".

"Darling, how many times is Love Jennifer on your list?"

"Five thousand". He kissed her.

"One hundred". Another kiss.

"Ten".

Another kiss.

"And we have been married 14 years, 5 weeks and 2 days. So, that's 37 more days for me to Love Jennifer".

Another kiss.

She had tears in her eyes.

"That was the most romantic thing you have ever done. I don't deserve you".

She leaned forward and wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him passionately.

"You make me the happiest woman on the planet, and I hope that never changes".

"Come here, Red". He pulled her onto him, as he set their champagne glasses on the nightstand, and reached up and turned out the light.

"Happy bucket list, Mr. H."

"Happy bucket list, Mrs. H."


End file.
